Long Week

Surgery went very well. All procedures successful. I went home with my mom Wednesday after the surgery and re-c0uped there. Dan stayed with me Wednesday night, then had to return to work Thursday. I got sent home with some antibiotics and Darvocet for pain. I don't like to take pain meds, so I push as long as I can without then I regret!

I did well Thursday and Friday, feeling a bit better every day. Then Saturday morning I went to breakfast club and visited with Nana and Margie and the gang before Christmas. Saturday was a rough day...I was more sore than I had been in a couple days, I guess the healing process is more painful. Then we headed home, I was exhausted!! I took a little nap, then the emotions took over. I finally had my breakdown. Now, I thought I had prepared myself well for the emotions, had already had several mini meltdowns. But nothing compared to Saturday afternoon. I curled up in fetal position and cried and cried and cried. I don't even know how to explain how I felt. Part of me felt empty, broken, less of a woman. I had gut wrenching sobs that hurt. It was so hard to look at Dan and know the decisions we had made, although they were for the better. I cried until I was empty and had nothing left. Dan is such a wonderful man, he held me the whole time while I cried, he informed me that nothing had changed, even though I felt "different" Thank god I have been blessed with such a wonderful man. I don't know where I would be if I didn't have him by my side. Eventually I went to sleep exhausted and in pain. I woke up this morning not feeling much better, but less depressed :)

Today I headed back to work and I thought it would be easy. Not so much!! First, my car had been parked since Tuesday, so....it was encased in ice! Thank God Dan got up with me and went to help me "brush" the car off this am. I was on time, barely, but I made it 8 of 12 hours on light duty in the god awful cold today. I think I tried to go back to soon. It was tougher than I thought and I was in more pain then I realized, I think more because I had to be more mobile then I had been and only had the comfort of Tylenol!

But in the positive aspect....27 days til the wedding!!!!!

Finito!!

I took my final this morning, so I have effectively finished my third semester of nursing school! YEAH!!! Only one semseter left, I can totally do this!

I have my surgery is all set up for Wednesday afternoon. This is an up and down decision for me. I know that it's the best thing for me, but the thought that I am having surgery done to render myself sterile, is still tough somedays. Oh well....it'll all be done Wednesday and I won't have to think about it anymore :)

Recap

Holy Cow am I behind!!!! Lets see...I'm not going to give any excuses other than pure laziness, and ...I've become a facebook addict. Lets give a quick recap here....

October:

Flew by...school is good, we had a bridal shower with Dan's family at the end of the month. Everything was wonderful and I am truly grateful! Halloween, Dan and I went to see The Nightmare Before Christmas in 3D. It was pretty cool, for the half I stayed awake for, then I took a nap :)

November:

November 9th was my Ryan/Karner Bridal Shower hosted by Aunt Margie. Showers of Happiness, that was the theme. What a beautiful shower, I definitely can't complain. Aunt Margie pulled no punches and hosted a lovely day. Good food, perfectly themed decorations, clever favors. Molly and Mary helped their mom by setting everything up so nicely. It was beautiful!! Thanks to all for all their hard work and dedication for the perfect day for me.

November pretty much went by without any problems, school is school and can't end soon enough. We worked on getting all the invitations out which proved to be more stressful than I expected. We ordered 225 invitations, I decided that I loved the way they looked with printed envelopes. After about 10 invitations, I realized that maybe I didn't like that idea anymore, because I had to type each name and invite and load each envelope! Oh well....95% got typed and mailed with minimal errors....few wrong zip codes, couple upside down envelopes, some weird highlighting on one of them....but anyways. They all were mailed the Tuesday before Thanksgiving and we're already getting many back which is so very exciting! Every afternoon I run to the mailbox wondering "how many will come today? Are they coming? Will they make it?" It's totally fun now!!!!

Thanksgiving was different for me. Due to my work schedule, I have to work holidays, and so with having Turkey day off, we headed south to Dan's parents house for the weekend. It was quite different. Imagine, only 5 people total, instead of 60-70!!! Food was wonderful, company even better. It was a wonderful weekend, and I absoulutely cannot complain.

8th annual pub crawl was fun as always! Mainly the same faces a couple new ones. Lots of fun had by all....

December:

December rolled in with snow and bitter cold. School is wrapping up for the semester...Thank God! Final is 12/15 and cannot get here soon enough. This past Wednesday the girls from work hosted yet another bridal shower for me and it was lovely. Lots of laughs, lots of fun, Thanks Mere for giving up your house and cooking all that wonderful food!!!

Sad Face

Ugh....Monday morning I took my I pod off the alarm clock, then toted it to the car, plugged it in and the screen was frozen. So....I did a manual reset and boom....I got a sad face....:( looked just like that. I was so sad. SO I came home later that day and attempted to figure out a way to reset it....no such luck, it says I have a hardware problem. So I take my sad little ipod to the apple store to get it looked at, was told that the ipod was done, fried, useless, and....my warranty was done...shocking! The salesman informed me that it would cost me $139 to get it repaired. I said no thanks! I can buy a new one for the same cost. And I started to walk away. The very nice gentleman then stated he would see what he could do about it. NExt thing I know he told me that he was going to honor the warranty even though it was over, and give me a refurbished ipod. So, he opened the box and handed me a shiny new ipod....or at least it looks new, no scratches. And, it works!

So...I left the Apple store with my newer ipod and a happy face! :)

Bridal Expo

YIKES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So many people, so many boothes, so little space!!! Why did I go you ask? Of course I already have most of my vendors...but, I was honestly trying to win something...flowers, cash, limo...whatever!!!

Our names didn't get picked in any of the big raffles, perhaps I'll win a vacation...I entered just about every drawing possible. So...we'll see.

Dan was a trooper...he walked with me and even carried all the brochures, what a guy!!!! And, I got 4 comments on how cute my shoes were....from men! That was nice

Decisions, decisions, decisions

you know, I thought all this wedding planning stuff was going pretty smoothly.....

NOw it just seems as there is always a decision that needs to be made. Readings, dance music (actually this one is pretty much done), ceremony music, introduction music, programs, flowers, wrist corsages or pin on corsages, hair styles, coat wear one or not....robe, wrap, whatever? Tuxes vest color and shirt color, ushers...tux or suit?

Maybe we should have eloped.

oh well.....3 months away.

School is well, busy as always.

Dan is wonderful....except his opinion always seems to be..."whatever you like best honey." Which I think is his way of saying....I don't want to irritate you so I'll pick which one you like best!

Engaged Encounter

Rockford, IL ....Bishop Lane Retreat Center

730 pm we check in, get room assignments and head to our rooms to unpack. A very tiny room with two beds, but I figure I'm first so I get to chose the bed first. I put all my stuff down, collect Dan and off to the retreat. It was not a bad weekend, just long. We had a series of lectures then "discussion questions" followed by "dialogue" Friday night didn't end until midnight, I had been up since 5 and I was exhausted. Off to bed we went.

I got to my room and realized I had forgotten my toothbrush....ewww gross....so I finger brushed my teeth in order to at least get them somewhat clean, and swished vigorously with mouthwash. My roommate decided she wanted to text her fiance all night long, no biggie, except her phone beeped with each depression of a key! Ugh!!!! Up early at 7am the next morning, I showered, pulled the same routine with my teeth, then added gum chewing to the mix. So, I felt totally gross, but then my roomie didnt' shower, and when she came out of the bathroom, she didn't wash her hands!!! I'll take dirty teeth over poopy hands any day of the week!

WE got a surprise visit when at the end of Saturday night the brought in some "extra priests" and we had surprise confession!!! Wow! It had been an awfully long time since I'd been to confession.....thank goodness we had a "review" I, like so many others were a bit lost.

All in all, it was a decent weekend, long, my butt was numb after the end of Saturday, but the last dialogue we did where we wrote a love letter to each other, really brought the whole thing home for us. We got home about 1030 last night and then I had to work this am....It's been a long weekend, but we're getting there.

100 days

We are down to 100 days!!! Or a little over 3 months! HOly cow....

I have 9 weeks left of the semester, 31 weeks total until I graduate!!!

I started day shift at work, and that is nice. It's so hard to get up at 5 am every day though. So very hard. I hate mornings, just not a morning person at all....

I'm back in mother baby for clinicals, back at ABMC, which is much closer than Childrens. I got to be in the nursery the other day and I had a great nurse who let me do all the assessments and play with the babies, that was great. I just love those little people when they are that tiny. I think I could handle working in a nursery/L and D situation. I thought that last year, but I really believe it now. So if ER doesn't work out for me, there is always L and D!

Dan and I have our Engaged Encounter weekend retreat this weekend Friday night, Dan is going to pick me up after work and we'll head out to Rockford.

We got ourselves all registered and honestly I don't even know what I registered for! It got to the point where we were just adding things...do we need this? I don't know put it on the list....

Well...off to the homework. Hope all is well, will attempt to blog more often.

Busy, busy, busy

It seems as though everyday there is something.....

School is going well, I don't hate pediatrics nearly as much as originally thought. However, I do hate commuting to Children's Memorial hospital. Traffic totally stinks at 3pm coming home.

Work update....I'm moving to dayshift!! I start October 5th, so thats a good thing. What this means is that I work 7am-7pm now. STill 3 days per week, just not the same days as school. It should work out quite well....

Thats it for us....we are under 4 months!! HOLY COW!!!!!!!!!!!! Where did the time go??/

Summer's over

WEll, now that it's officially Labor Day, summer is officially over! Yuck yuck yuck.

I guess i knew that summer ended last week when I started school again. School started with a bang, 5 days for the first week! UGH!!!!!!!! But, then again....1 week down 15 left of the semester....36 left til I graduate!!! I know I'm a dork!

Wedding plans are in full swing, We're slightly over 4 months...how did this happen? Now my next question is....do I hire a second photographer to cover the portrait backdrop? Or do I let the one photographer I have handle it? I don't want to miss lots of dance shots, but I also want people to be able to have a nice portrait taken if that what they want to....hmmmm, decisions decisions. Any help would be appreciated. But other than that, things are moving well. We actually have another bridesmaid! We were short due to an unfortuanate circumstances, but Dan asked his very good friend Becca if she'd like to stand up for us and she agreed!

I put in for a days position at work, yeah...days 7am-7pm and I'm actually anxiously hopeing for it. My health has not been well and I'm trying to get into a very strong routine, which involves getting up at the same time every day! I'm up early in the morning for school, would make just as much sense to get up at the same time on the days I have to work rather than several hours later!

WEll, I'm off to the books I've got management, legal, and economic issuses to deal with! OH yeah!

Hang on...it may be a long one

Lets do a quick recap....

July....went by like a speeding train. Microbiology is over! Ended with a B, can't complain about that.

August started out with a bang. August 2nd was Ray and Annie's wedding, as always a good time had by all. And for Dan and I a big sigh of relief....our weddings for 2008 are over!!! Unfortunately we were unable to party with the Ryans post wedding because I had to be at work at 11am Sunday morning. Although I wasn't drinking all night, I felt like crap at work!

Tuesday August 5, Dan and I loaded the car and headed west, southwest, a little of both? Who konws.....anyway...we drove to Kansas City, MO so that Dan could audition for American Idol. We arrived at Kemper arena at 4:15 am on Wednesday. What a zoo!!! We waited in line for 4.5 hours to register, we were handed a wristband and a ticket and informed to return at 5 am on Friday...but also told the sooner you got there the better your seats.

Thursday was my 30th birthday. We headed over to Worlds of Fun, which is a theme park similar to Great America, rode the coasters, except their biggest one, which was down...damn! Then we drove to Weston, MO for dinner. We found a little brewery out there that had awesome food.

3:30 am Friday August 8th we are in line for the American Idol auditions. 8 am they open the doors and let us in to our seats. Holy cow were there a lot of people!!! The audition process was long and tedious, and they don't inform you that you won't even see Randy, Paula and Simon for a while. It turns out there are 4 rounds of auditions. Those three are the 4th round. If you get the coveted golden ticket....you come back for round 2 another day, then so on and so forth....you don't even know if you're going to Hollywood for months! Personally I thought the whole audition process was unorganized and I felt they didnt' give us the whole truth ever! But....thats Hollywood. Dan sang Broadway by the Goo Goo Dolls, he was informed that he was a very good singer but not quite what the show was looking for. So....we did not get the golden ticket. Oh well. We packed up and headed home, got home about 5:15 am on Saturday.

This video was Dan lip singing to the group song in order to save his voice for his actual audition. The judges were watching us so he was "gettin it to it"

July

June ended with a bang! We finished up the month with another wedding, my cousin Tom and his wife Julie, much to how we started the month!! As always, fun was had by all. I can honestly say....the best weddings ever, are Ryan weddings. The dance floor was packed all night long, and for once it wasn't all Ryans....good to see the Farrels can party too! The hot dog cart was a great addition, watch out Tom....that idea might be shared sometime in the future! And Fannie Mae was a fabulous little gift to each place setting. Great company + great tunes + great fooD = great time!

The summer semester is officially halfway through. Yeah!!!!!!!! It's hard to believe, but honestly I'm tired. School Monday- Thursday and work 4 days a week is really tough, but I'm surviving! Only 4 more weeks right? Then it's truly summer vacation, at least for 3 weeks!

This weekend was a very busy one. I had to work on the 4th, and it really wasn't so bad. Actually it was so slow that at 4pm I was begging to go home, that way I could meet up with Dan for some friendship and fireworks! Well, that didn't occur, I worked all the way through, oh well....it wasn't so bad. At least there was a good crew, therefore good company that night. Dan spent the day back home with friends, playing volleyball, drinking beer, and shooting fireworks! I begged that he avoid all the fireworks so that he could please come home with all his limbs! I was quite happy to see Saturday morning he had all digits, limbs, and eyesight (though his ears were ringing still :))

Saturday started with the wedding ceremony for a couple coworkers, then onto a 90th birthday party for my great aunt Dorothy, followed by a friends annual 4th of July party, on the 5th! Oh man, we felt like we never stopped. It was nice to get home and get to sleep. J

Today was a lazy day. I got some studing done, laundry, we did more stuff for our own wedding. Plans are coming along quite well. It was wonderful to just be with Dan for the day.

Where or where does the time go?

June is just about over....where did it go? It's been a busy month and as I'm learning it's that way for just about everyone. I've had nothing but graduation parties, bridal showers, and bachelorette parties!

Three weeks of Micro are down, and quite honestly, I don't hate it. I kind of like it....and I'm doing well! What more could I ask for?

Last weekend was a very busy one, I was invited to two graduation parties, two bachelorette parties, and a baptism...honestly, I made it to my girlfriend Brenda's bachelorette party on Friday night, my best friend Mary's graduation party from Vet school on Saturday and that was it!

I opted to spend Sunday with Dan....just him and I, and it was wonderful. We went to the zoo and walked, looked at the animals, just chilled. What more could I ask for?

Our own wedding plans are in full swing. I think we have all the big stuff nailed down. Dress check, Photographer check, DJ check, church check, hall check, table decorations check, rehearsal dinner booked check! We picked out our invitations, decided on bridal party gifts and parent gifts as well this past couple weeks. I know, I seem like an overacheiver, which I'm really not...I'm just trying to plan the fact that I won't be able to do much once school starts full swing again and my time is really limited, so if I get as much done as possible now....great!

Other than that....not much going on around here. Dan's in back playing guitar, I'm sitting here catching up on all the news that is my family and friends. Hope all is well..........

What a Day

Today school started. A full two months of microbiology...oh boy! (can you sense my sarcasm?)

It's gonna be a busy semester, class and lab 4 days a week! But my instructor seems pretty laid back which is good, but I think it's going to be a very busy class, lots of reading, homework and 8 tests, several quizes! It's only an 8 week class!!!! I think I was very smart to give up my summer rather than try to squeeze it in on top of my nursing class next semester!

I had to go to the podiatrist today because I got a pedicure a couple weeks ago and ended up with two ingrown toenails! UGH!!!!! I of course tried to fix them myself (I know I'm not supposed to...) well, my right great toe got infected! The doc gave me a good lecture, but had to numb my toe in order to clean up my nail. I almost crawled off the table while he injected the lidocaine into my toe! He was actually really glad to see that I had such good feeling still in my feet....he said "it's obvious you don't have any problems with neuropathy!" Now the meds are wearing off, and my toe is throbbing.... but it looks much much better!

Dan and I had our final FOCCUS meeting with the couple at church tonight. Now we only have to meet with the priest, go to our engagement retreat, and natural family planning meeting. So, we're getting there! Just the other day I mentioned to someone that it's really quite a ways away, but honestly...it's sooner than I like to realize! I know after August, after Ray's wedding, the time will really fly!

til next time

What? It's over already...it just started!

Get your mind out of the gutter....Thats how I felt about this weekend! It was a whirlwind, and none of it for us :) We started out Friday night with a bachelor/bachelorette bbq in Orland Park. This was for Bill and his wife, one of Dan's groomsmens. It was a good time, great company, excellent food, cold beer, and a late night! It was well after midnight when we headed home.

Saturday, Bridget picked me up in her fancy new car, we headed down the street to the train station to pick up Jeni and then headed north to Woodstock for Ray and Annie's bridal shower. Once again, good company, excellent food, cold water!! It was quite hot that day...I actually left with a bit of a sunburn! Dan and I hung out at home, watched National Treasure 2 and just relaxed.

ON to Sunday...Today was a bit of running around. Today was Bill's wedding. I had long anticipated this day, and due to the fact that Bill is greek, I asked if it was going to be anything like, My Big Fat Greek Wedding? We showed up at the church all duded up for the wedding at 230, and honestly...it was quite similar! The church is very colorful with all ceilings painted, the service was in both English and Greek, we stood almost the entire time. they have a ring blessing, crown blessing, dance around the table 3 times, and wear their rings on the right hand. It was really interesting! Then we headed up to the reception, wonderful time. Lots of greek dancing too! Unfortunately, we headed home rather early because of the fact that Dan has to be at work at 6 am tomorrow! OUCH!!! That's whats hard about Sunday weddings.

All in all it was a really good weekend, just long and I feel like I didn't have much time for myself. I know, I know....pity me!

School starts tomorrow and Dan is back to work. Here are a couple pics.

A deep breath of relief, and a fresh breeze of optimism

I got my grades Thursday and passed all my classes! Thank God. Thats the sigh of relief!

I also headed downtown to Northwestern Memorial this past Thursday and met with a hematologist there. Immediatly I was given hope. I told him that my doc here said I'd be on coumadin for life and thats pretty much the way of the world, and that I was not happy with that option! They sat me down and informed me that Coumadin didn't really ever work for me, and that's probably why I had a reoccurance. They said if you looked at my INR numbers throughout the 7 months, I was never really in therapuetic ranges. They told me that my doctors should not have given me the leeway of a one month between blood draws, and most importantly....it was nothing I did wrong. Which was not the feeling I had gotten from my hematologist here at SAMC.

They are taking me off the Coumadin!!! Yeah!! I will be taking an injection every day for a year, it's another low molecular weight heparin, similar to lovenox, but not lovenox. They will finally be able to test some other tests, maybe find out some answers. It looks like long term anti coagulation therapy is one year, then a re-evaluation. Sounds to me a lot like better then a coumadin for life! Honestly, I left this doctors office with a whole new outlook. I felt better, there was actually hope....

VACATION!!!!!!!!!!

Finals are finished!!! Thank god. I finished Tuesday actually and have been at work since! Health hasn't been so hot. Last week my INR jumped to 5.8, so they had me skip a dose of coumadin and then scale back on the amount. This week I had an appointment with my hematologist, who informed me that I was having "Idiopathinc Pulmonary Emboli" which basically means they don't know much of anything! He also informed me I'd have to take coumadin the rest of my life. I was very unhappy with this statement, so I asked to be referred for a second opinion. He seemed kind of reluctant and told me "I don't think they are going to give you any different answer then I'm giving you, but I'll give you a refferal." I accepted the refreral and by the grace of God, have an appointment this coming week with a "clotting specialist" at Northwestern Memorial Hospital. Hopefully I will find out some better answers!

ON the homestretch

Last Wednesday I took my last two tests of the regular semester, not including finals. Got a solid B on the nursing exam, which actually surprised me because I came out of the test not feeling so very strong. I also had my physiology lab test, I left this test actually feeling ok, but I won't find out until tomorrow! How rude, he makes us wait a week for test results so you can't find out until right before the final! That sucks!!

I worked most of the weekend. Sunday morning I headed into the city for Julie's bridal shower. I, like most people, do not really enjoy bridal showers, and this day was not any different. A lot of food which dragged the day on and honestly the clock wouldn't budge!! Julie and Tom had a whole pile of gifts, which they actually moved through pretty quickly, thank God! Headed home around 330, to start studying for finals.

Today I took my Nursing final at 955. Odd time don't you think? I'm confident in that final, I know I passed. Several of my classmates needed high scores on this test in order to pass the class! The minimal grade for passing our RN class is 76% Several of my classmates needed at least an 80% or even higher to just pass! Thank god I was in a better position. I needed at 88% for a B, but will pass with a C without any problem. Honestly, I'm very accepting of a C! Actually, knowing that I worked full time all semester, spent another week in the hospital, took this 9 credit course along with 4 credit Physiology, yeah....I'd be very happy with a C!

Tomorrow however is my physiology final. This is non cumulative, however, I have a hard time with his exams. I know the material, but his questioning gets me all flustered and I do very very poorly! I came home from my test this afternoon, took a one hour decompression hour, vegged out in front of the TV. Then I shut the TV off and dove in. I read all of my notes aloud, 3 times! The process I took was study for one hour, then take 20 min break. This worked very very well, until Dan came home as I was reciting the reproductive system notes and mentioned the sympathetic nervous system stimulation causes ejaculation. He came around the corner and said...."honey, did you just say ejaculation? And, why did you just say ejaculation?" Then he saw the notes and somewhat understoon, the look on his face was priceless.

Took a dinner break, watched Dancing with the Stars, then dove back in. I hope I'm prepared! I plan to look at it again tomorrow, test is at 1:45. Pray for me, wish me luck. I know I need it!

Filling the time

I should be studying, but I need a break. This is it, last week of lectures and next week is finals.

I'm strong in my nursing class, not worried about that, last test tomorrow, final Monday morning. Physiology however.....I'm holding on my a shoestring! I failed my last test, miserably. I'm not truly surprised, however my teacher is a A*&$(%e! and made me take the stupid test....see previous post. I have a lab test tomorrow to bring my grade up and my final next Tuesday, thank god it's not cumulative and I feel as though I'm getting a smidge of a break as the final is on the endocrine and reproductive cycles. I have a little leg up with the endocrine stuff!

Personal life.....Dan's 28th bday was last Friday, he and I went out for dinner then headed south to his parents. Saturday we were met by my family and had a wonderful dinner of fried fish and hash brown casserole, and a bonfire. Good times for everyone. Dan got some lovely presents....his parents and I purchased a Wii.....he loved it and we all got to do a little bowling later that night!

Mothers day we had brunch with the Eckberg's then everyone headed on home. Dan and I decided to venture out to see a movie and when we got there were left with not a whole lot of choices in our time frame, so we saw Made of Honor. It was really cute, definitely a chick flick and I give Dan big props for going with me!!! And, I don't usually find Patrick Dempsey all that cute, he was good looking here!!! Definitly McDreamy....... Ironman is also a pretty good show if anyone is interested and let me tell you....Robert Downey Jr....Hottie!!!!!!!!!!

Health...my INR is not really cooperating it was 2.1 when I left the hospital, 1.8 a week later, and 1.9 last week. Also, I've finished the lovenox shots, and thank god because I've developed an allergic reaction to them and I have bright red circles around my belly!!!! UGH!!!!!!!!!!! I just can't win....this is a very frustrating time for me and I often break into tears. Thank God Dan and my mother have the patience for me!

Back to the books, two tests tomorrow! I'm jealous of those of you who are finished for the semester.

Almost forgot

I almost forgot, yesterday when I got home and was crying just because I was so very tired, I received a phone call from work. Initially I felt, "great, what do they want?"

Recently, I changed my hours. I now work 3pm-11pm on the weekdays and 3pm-3am on the weekends. I had recently requested if there was any possibility to work 11am-11pm on weekends, I'd really like that. They called to tell me that it was possible and it was going to take effect!!

As of the end of May, I will not be working anymore overnights! I'll get to sleep everynight in my own bed!!! YEah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That was a good phone call.

Home Sweet Home

So, I'm home, still have PE's, but they let me leave with the drugs rather than sit in the hospital waiting for them all to work. I did not go through the Heparin therapy, this time they gave me Lovenox injections which has the wonderful side effects of bright blue bruises on my delicate white skin. I kinda look like a dalmation with blue spots! Of course, this totally ruins my bikini look for the summer :) J/K

I got released this morning, with an INR of 2.1. School has been very very understanding, for the most part. The nursing program has been exremely helpful, informing me if I wasn't ready for my upcoming test this coming MOnday, it was ok, and I could make it up later in the week. However, my Physiology instructor, wouldn't budge. I had a test scheduled for 1pm this afternoon and I was informed that if I missed the test, I would have to take the retake, which would be all essay and the highest grade I can get is a 75%! What an ass. Of course I'm begging my doctors to let me out because Physiology is a complicated enough class without having to make it an essay test! Which I'm afraid, I would not pass very well. Luckily for me, my blood cooperated and I barely made it out, but I managed to hustle over to Harper and take my test. My instructor assigns us seating during the test. We are in this really big lecture hall with fixed seats that either swivel left or right, I was assigned to one that swiveled to the left, due to a bruise the size of a 12 inch softball on my belly from the shots, I new that that specific seat would be painful because it would cause the table to hit my bruise. So, I requested that I sit somewhere else, the ass said "no, you sit where I assign you!" SO, I fidgeted through my test trying to get comfortable and get through the test. I finished and headed home. I think I'm going to write a letter to the head of the Biology department. I think this guy's a butthead, obviously being in the hospital has to be some sort of extenuating circumstance right? Whatever, it's over. Three more weeks of school....Finals end May 20th.

again? seriously? WTF?

must make this quick before sleeping pills take ove. I'm back in the joint, same problem. 5 new PE's present in my lungs! This was very distressing for me becasuse, i followed the rules, i quit smoking, quit birthcontrol, take my meds every day, adn here i lie back in the hospital with more PE.

say a prayer for me, please. I'm getting a bit foggy, so I'm gonna sign out.

Spring Teasers

So, yes...it's technically spring and we had a minor tease, now it's cold, glumy, and it snowed again the other night



Girls night out last night was wonderful. A great celebration....congrats to Dawn who quit her job and her last day was yesterday!!! WE're so very proud of you. Congrats to Jenni on her marriage to Andy and her first attendance at girls night.



We had a wonderful night and discovered all though none of us were very good at Guitar hero, and Dancing with the Stars, it was whole lot of fun and a lot of laughs. Who'd have thought 8 very intelligent and somewhat creative women could be so poor at video games? Well, Holly kicked our asses as Guitar Hero and Kate and Bridget were the consecutive high scorers with Dancing with the Stars, that really doesn't appear liek you're doing too much dancing!!! Just stepping a lot! Bridget scored our only 1o of the night and was quite excited..."I got a 10!!! I got a 10!!"

As always, lots of fun had by all. Only mystery of hte night, where or where did Dawn's remote go????

This week starts the downward motion of ending the semester of my first year of nursing school. Technically 5 weeks of class left, then a week of finals, which, I'm actually done with all my finals by Tuesday afternoon. YEAH!!!

Thats all for now folks!!!

spring is here????????/

WEll, it looks as though we're finally seeing the whispers of spring. May spring break was short, cold, snowy....ugh! But today the sun is shining and it's decently nice out!

Monday we headed back into the swing of school and I have 4 tests next week....seriously when it rains it pours. I found out I got accepted into the microbiology class for this summer which will take some stress off next semester, that way I'll only have nursing for my last two semesters! Yeah. Who'd have thought I'll be done with my first year of nursing school in 6 weeks! Woo hooo.....

I thought mother baby was going to be a very difficult time, but I handled it very well. In fact I loved the Labor and Delivery part as well as hanging out in the nursery, I didn't so much like post partem care, but then again, for the most people, those people aren't sick! :) As someone coming from the ER, I like sick people!!! I was able to work in the special care nursery which has some sick little ones. I got to take care of a little girl who was born at home at about 33 weeks gestation, and she was dropped off at the police station for "Safe Haven" This little girl only weighed a little over 5 pounds she was so tiny I got to hold her and feed her, let her rest her head on my skin so she could have skin to skin contact....what do they call that kangaroo care? and just talk with her and oh.....I loved it. She was so precious I said to her I would take her home if I could! When she is big enough, she'll be placed for adoption. Although it's hard to believe that someone could give up a baby this precious, at least mom took her to the police department so she'd be safe. This experience re-inforced my decision to adopt children because I can't have them myself. One of God's little miracles and reminders!

Whats new around here? Wedding plans are in full swing! In fact, we're done with just about everything! Yeah!! Now, I'm looking for and thinking about attendant gifts, any ideas?????

Dan and I had one of our pre cana meetings last night and had to delve into that whole co habitation and family planning issue! I guess I should have just kept my mouth shut, but it's not exactly easy when they ask if I attend church, and although I do, I don't attend at St. John's I attend in Naperville! Then it was the whole family planning issue and my health came up. Now they want me to talk with a priest for compensation concerning my health! I can't say I was truly happy with that, but what ever. I'll deal with it, I'll get through our meetings and we'll get married.

In another note, I got my approval letter from my health insurance company for a tubal ligation. They didn't want to approve it because I work for Catholic hospital and it's a sterilization procedure, but after medical documentation was sent, it's been approved. This letter I guess makes it much more permanent. Oh well.....

Thats all for now, I've got a phys test to study for!

it gets better

First off, thanks for all the love!!!

Second, today was a wonderful day. I was a bit apprehensive as I headed to the hospital today, but I had a wonderful patient. She was my age, literally, 2 days different...had twins via C-section on Tuesay and the babies were in the special care nursery....they needed a little bit more TLC before they were free. But anyways....my patient was awesome, she was very open and willing to talk to me and willing to let me learn. She also opened up to me about how she felt about her beautiful baby girls. I took care of mom all morning and watched as her husband helped her....then I took her to the nursery and got to watch the new parents with their babies.

I guess between having such a good patient today and all your words of wisdom, I found a form of peace. I'm not completely healed, but I felt better.

And, on a side note....my INBOXspiration for the day today is....

"Don't let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do!" John Wooden

I took this along with what all of you said, that just because I cannot carry a child, doesnt' mean that I won't be be a fabulous parent someday....right?????????

Also, side note...Dawn's official last day at work is April 15th, which means, April 12th is really gonna be it....which just also happens to be GNO!!! I say big Congratulatory party for the Dawniepie!!!!

Nursing Student Breakdown

Thats right, I had a breakdown in school today. I had my first clinical in the mother/baby ward today, now for most people this would be a very happy segment, not really sick people, cute, cuddly warm pink babies, everyone is happy. Right? Well, I went in with positive thoughts and only made it about one hour before I lost it. {Enter Explanation here...}

When I was hospitalized this past October, my Endocrinologist, Pulmonologist, and Family Practice Doctors all informed me that with all my history and the development of the PE's, children were not going to be an option. Dan and I had discussed this in the hospital and we were both ok. We understood our options were much more limited now. On December 20th, I went to the GYN for my annual and she asked why I was no longer on my Birth control, was I trying to get pregnant? I told her about what happened in October and why I was no longer taking it, she said "well, I guess we'll have to figure out something a little more permanent." We sat and talked about other options such as IUD or getting my tubes tied. Initially she was pushing the IUD, with comments such as "it's only a temporary fix, needs to be changed every 5 years and you don't know what could occur in 5 years, if they find a cure of diabetes...." I then reminded her in 5 years I would be facing 35 years old, and although that isn't old, it's another major step with pregnancy risks. We talked some more and she informed me that although it is possible for me to carry a pregnancy to full term and have a healthy baby, it is highly unlikely that I will. I have so much history that she strongly urges me not to get pregnant. The diabetes was enough a risk, but the PE's were a nail in the coffin, as pregnancy itself is a clotting risk. We discussed the possibility of harvesting my own eggs for the possibility of a surragate mother, the doc informed me that yes this is possible, but very very expensive with less ratio of success. That if it were her, she would put her money into adoption, at least then you a guaranteed a child.

That day I left her office, kinda numb. Then I got home, Dan and I started to talk and I cried, and cried, and cried. I mourned the fact that I was getting married and I'd never be able to have children and give Dan children. He was so sweet...."it's ok baby, we can always adopt. It doesn't matter if you're pregnant or not, it'll still be our baby, I don't want anything to happen to you, I can't lose you" Life carried on and I was fine, or so I thought.....

{} Then I showed up on the Mother/Baby unit today for clinical. As I watched a new daddy carry his little girl to the nursery after birth, and the nursing staff care for that darling little girl, I lost it. Tears ran solidly down my face and I couldn't stop. (One of my classmates knew and understood what I was going through, she and I became close right from the get go and she knew. ) She pulled me aside and the instructor wanted to know what was going on. All the feelings that I thought I had gotten through, came flooding forward and I have been a basket case all day. I managed to pull myself together and get through the day and the instructor informed me that I havne't grieved for myself yet and this could happen again because those feeling continue. But, she did inform me that she'd work with me and do what she could. She asked if I wanted to skip the day in the nursery and just do post partem work. I said no, but be ready to move me if for some reason I had another meltdown.

I guess I haven't gone through all the emotions and from what I see it's going to take sometime. So, I blog to get my feelings out. I'm sitting here on my couch, feeling sorry for myself, but letting the grief out through tears. I'll feel better tomorrow.

Also, a prayer to Joe, Dan's best man, his father passed away Sunday night after a battle with colon cancer.

To a happier blog..................

my oh my

School is truly in full swing, so much so that of 4 modules, I'm already done with two!!! I did very well on last test, which brought my grade up, I had been hovering with a low B high C and was content, yet a little nervous that I wasn't going to have that edge! I like to have a little cushion to pad myself that way when I feel lazy around finals, I don't have to work nearly so hard, you know? Like last semester when I walked into the final knowing I needed an 11 to pass the class and a 42 for a B. I really didn't study all that hard!!! I'm embarking into a new section tomorrow, MOther/baby. Not my favorite area. I'm truly hopeing that I will find a new love for the art of nursing to the mother/baby population. Currently, not my bag. Lets see how it goes!!!

Wedding plans are forming, I think I finally got all my Save the Dates out....if you didn't receive one or yours was mangled in the mail, please let me know I have a few leftover and will gladly send you a new one.

I hear congrats are due to some of my fellow Ryan Family members who will be tying the knot in '09 just like me....Andy Ryan, Ray Feeney, Mary Kay Feeney, and Ryan Feeney. Congrats to all. I hear so far 09 will be our biggest wedding year yet!!!

Thats all for now folks....I'm praying that the calls for snow tomorrow aren't really true, that actually it's going to stay 50 degrees!!! I can dream right?

snow....yuck!

Well, well, well....it's been a while.

I'm back in the full swing of school and quite honestly it's very very overwhelming!!! They say this semester is the hardest of all 4 and I'm beginning to agree. I was very stressed the first week. I guess I wasn't quite ready to go back! But, now I think I've got the hang of things.

Today I was hoping and praying for a snow day, actually had myself so psyched up that I would have the day off, when I woke up and saw absolutely no snow....I was very upset. So, I bundled up and headed out to Alexian Brothers in Elk Grove because I had clinical this am at 7. As I drove, the rain continued to pelt down and freeze, snow began and the roads were awful. I got to AMBC about 630, sat and had some coffee and tried to relax for it had been a very stressful drive. People feel the need to be #^$holes when the weather is no good, I had about 3 very close calls. All three people decided they wanted to pass the semi and didn't realize I was in the lane next to them. I was almost side swiped twice, then almost rear-ended! Very stressful day. Then about 830am my clinical instructor notified us that Harper closed the campus for the rest of the day and we would be free to go at 11. Just in time to drive home in the crappy weather. Needless to say it took me about an hour and a half to get home, normally a 35 min drive at that time of day...but no close calls. Thank God.

Went and saw Jersey Boys this weekend and it was absolutely wonderful! Better than I expected. I'd like to go back again, and I'd like to take Dan with me, I truly think he'd enjoy the show.

Movie update....saw PS I love you with mom and Dawn a couple weeks ago, it was a wonderful story! I'll be buying that one for my personal collection. Dan and I had a couple date nights, we discovered the REd Robin, great burgers, not good for a diet! But good food. We also ventured to the movies and saw, No Country for Old Men and 27 Dresses. Loved the second, can't say I truly enjoyed or understood the first!

I bought my wedding dress! I love it!

Thats all for now....I'm off to bed, school and work this weekend!

ONE YEAR!!!!!!!

One year til my wedding!!!!!!!!! Yesterday, I found the perfect dress! I thought I had found it earlier, but then I found this one and it's even better!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm going back on Monday afternoon to actually buy it. I'm so excited!! It feels more real now as I've hit the year mark and found my dress.

Where does the time go????

Well....here I am again. I wonder where the time rolls away too. It seems as though just yesterday I was finishing my semester and now we're through the holidays, and getting ready to roll into another semester! I start school again on the 22nd, and it's going to be a very very busy semester.

New year, new me right? Right!! I just signed up for the shamrock shuffle 5K walk. I opted for the walk because I know that if I worked my hardest, I don 't know that I could do a 8K run by March 3oth. So...thats ok. I don't mind walking again this year. I also started Weight Watchers today. I have been mulling it over for a while now, and finally I saw a girl at work and all of the sudden I swear she looked half her size!! I said "Monica, have you lost weight? and How much have you lost??" When she responded with 27 pounds, and Weight Watchers, I decided that was it. Maybe I need that weekly reminder and push to do what I need to do. Maybe that weekly meeting will force me with the follow through that I tend to fail so miserably at after about 2 months. I get going really well into the gym, then you take a week off and it's all down hill from there. I can do really well on counting calories and or limited fat and such for about 2 months, then I just give up....fall off the band wagon. Maybe by meeting with other people and forcing myself to truly look at portion sizes, I'll be able to make it work this time. I've got to do somthing. I'm tired of being fat. I want to look fabulous in my wedding gown!!!!! Dan's doing it with me, so that's a huge help. We can support each other in going to the gym and making proper food choices.

Also, we both joing the Ryan Family Biggest Losers.....yeah baby!!!!!!!! Last year I had a pretty good start, I was actully doing really really well.....then it all fell through, we all kinda gave up. Hmmm..........